Discrete Geometry and Convexity
Budapest, June 19-23, 2017
The abstract deadline for SoCG 2017 is coming up: abstracts (at most 300 words). The submission itself is due on December 5.
May the seasoning be with you!
And I mean ‘nigger’ with the hard r.”
“Why, thank you, white man.”
“And do you know why there aren’t any more niggers?”
“No, sir. I don’t.”
“Because white people are the new niggers. We’re just too full of ourselves to realize it.”
“The ‘new niggers,’ you say?”
“That’s right, both me and you—niggers to the last. Disenfranchised equals ready to fight back against the motherfucking system.”
“Except that you’ll get half the jail time.”
Daddy told his jokes the same way he’d ordered pizza, written poetry, and written his doctoral thesis—in APA format. Following the standards of the American Psychological Association, he’d toddle onstage and open up with the oral equivalent of a Title Page. Stating his name and the title of the joke. Yes, his jokes had titles. “This joke is called ‘Racial and Religious Differences in Drinking Establishment Patronage.’” Then he’d deliver the Abstract of the joke. So instead of simply saying, “A rabbi, a priest, and a black guy walk into a bar,” he’d say, “The subjects of this joke are three males, two of whom are clergymen, one of the Jewish faith, the other an ordained Catholic minister. The religion of the African-American respondent is undetermined, as is his educational level. The setting for the joke is a licensed establishment where alcohol is served. No, wait. It’s a plane. I’m sorry, my mistake. They are going parachuting.” Finally, he’d clear his throat, stand too close to the mike, and deliver what he liked to call “The Main Body” of the joke. Comedy is war. When a comedian’s routine works, they’ve killed; if the bits fall flat, they refer to it as dying. My father didn’t die onstage. He martyred himself for that other unrecognized completely unfunny black man who, just as there must be extraterrestrial life, is out there somewhere. I’ve seen self-immolations that were funnier than my father’s routine, but there were no gongs to ring or oversized canes with which to pull him offstage. He’d just ignore the booing and segue from the punch line to the Conclusion. The Results of the joke were a smattering of coughing. A chorus of vocalized disapproval and a plethora of yawning found to be significant. He’d end with the joke’s Reference Section:
“Jolson, Al (1918). ‘Sambo and Mammy Cleared for Takeoff on Runaway 5,’ Ziegfeld Follies.
“Williams, Bert (1917). ‘If Niggers Could Fly,’ The Circuitous Chitterling Tour.
“The Unknown Minstrel (circa 1899). ‘Dem Vaudeville Peckerwoods Sho’ Am Stealing My Shit,’ The Semi-Freemason Hall, Cleveland, Ohio.
“And don’t forget to tip your waitress.”
“I tried to read this book, Huckleberry Finn, to my grandchildren, but I couldn’t get past page six because the book is fraught with the ‘n-word.’ And although they are the deepest-thinking, combat-ready eight- and ten-year-olds I know, I knew my babies weren’t ready to comprehend Huckleberry Finn on its own merits. That’s why I took the liberty to rewrite Mark Twain’s masterpiece. Where the repugnant ‘n-word’ occurs, I replaced it with ‘warrior’ and the word ‘slave’ with ‘dark-skinned volunteer.’”
UIUC CS department is hiring this year in crypto. This is for a security-focused slot with interest in crypto people (both theoretical and applied). See here. Apply now while supply lasts!
Then the hard, dry Spaniards came exploring through, greedy and realistic, and their greed was for gold or God. They collected souls as they collected jewels. They gathered mountains and valleys, rivers and whole horizons, the way a man might now gain title to building lots. These tough, dried-up men moved restlessly up the coast and down. Some of them stayed on grants as large as principalities, given to them by Spanish kings who had not the faintest idea of the gift.
Konstantinos and Chao have a new version of their subset sum paper on the arxiv. They speed up the classical subset sum algorithm by a factor of sqrt(n) using clever divide and conquer strategy. This version is reasonably well written and is quite elegant. A nice paper!
“I do not understand why the British government needs until October to decide whether to send the divorce letter to Brussels,” Jean-Claude Juncker, the president of the European Commission, told German television.
Whatever the cost may be, we shall leave on the beaches, we shall leave on the landing grounds, we shall leave in the fields and in the streets, we shall leave in the hills; we shall never stay, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Island or a large part of it were bored and without internet connection, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the leaving, until, in God’s good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old.
Naturally everyone answered in the affirmative, shouting out in their respective tongues, but, unfortunately, says Poitiers, the guards outside the church thought that this loud clamour was some sort of last-minute English treachery, and responded by setting fire to the nearby houses.
Describing his unhappiness over the shogunate’s signing treaties with barbarians, a development for which he had no excuse to offer the gods or his ancestors, he mentioned his reluctance to send Kazunomiya, the daughter of an emperor, to a part of Japan where foreigners roamed.
Men reading tweets insulting women to their faces. m.youtube.com/watch?v=9tU-D-…
Exciting news on the Erdos-Szekeres convex polygon problem. arxiv.org/abs/1604.08657
Sanders to declare victory and withdraw from the Democratic party.
Not creepy at all… twitter.com/ABC/status/722…
“Your lie in April” en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Your_Lie_…
Michigan governor to fly over Flint and inspect the devastation through the window. twitter.com/nytimes/status…
Via reddit. North Korea is a horrible dictatorship where you only get to pick one person as a leader, not like the US where we get two.
Student that got into all ivies. I suggest a reality show “the Bachelorette” following her as she choses the one.
Had we reach peak Trump?
12 days early.
So, after 20 years I decided to jump from tcsh to bash. Happy I did – the way of bash is strange, but everything is answered in stack-exchange (to the point that I don’t even try to figure out how to do simple things – just search the web for it). Furthermore, it is a way better scripting language with functions and stuff, and also clearly it is more complete. Oh, and it is even coming to windows 10, natively, any day now.
14% of Hispanics view Trump favorably. That sounds too high to me… washingtonpost.com/blogs/plum-lin…
I put my talk from SODA 16 on youtube (the audio quality is not great, but whatever):
The slides are available here.