All manuscripts must be written in Latin, and all numbers must be specified using Roman numerals. The journal reserve the right to reject your paper if somebody (including the author) understands the manuscript. All profits from this journal to be used to support terrorist organizations, or other no-access ventures. Once your paper appear in the journal, nobody would ever be able to access it again. It would be our little secret…

See original here (via Jeff).

  1. Lots of people can still read Latin, though. Rongorongo might be a better choice for true inaccessibility.