2007
02.21

In due time, the Regulatory Authorities had realized that they need to create something, so that they would have something to regulate, and so they had created the universe.

After awhile however the Regulatory Authorities realized that while deciding which monkey gets the nut is a fascinating issue, especially for the nut involved, it is not terribly interesting after billions of years of doing so, and they had decided to create a higher level entity, appropriately named ADAM (Automatic Data Analysis Machine).

Adam was placed in the Garden of Eden. We have little information about it, except for the weekend escape brochures made by the Regulatory Authorities, but it is suspected that they were unrealistically positive about the place. Evidence suggests that it was a dry place, with little greenery and only a single tree. Even this apple tree was declared by the Regulatory Authorities to be off limits because of fears of global warming.

Adam, being the enterprising creature he was, upon arriving to the garden, had immediately established a committee to resolve the Omnivore dilemma; i.e., decide what to have for dinner. He also started a few ventures including a real estate agency and an antiques shop. Pretty quickly the Regulatory Authorities realized that Adam is applying monopolistic pressures to the market since he is the only player in it.

As so the Regulatory Authorities decided to create a new competing entity. And EVE (Entity of Versatile Equality) came into the world. Luckily, for Adam and Eve, they hit it off together on the first meeting. Adam immediately realized that since Eve was not given the long and boring briefing from the Regulatory Authorities as he did, she was in no way limited by the regulations. As such, Adam created a fake company in the Bahamas called SNAKE (Society for Natural Amalgamation of Known Equities), which subcontracted Eve to cut the Apple tree down, and sell them the pieces. And so the apple tree was lost, a victim to the first off-shore banking transaction.

The Regulatory Authorities easily saw through the electronic trail and realized that both Adam and Eve had conspired in this violation of the Environmental Code (regulation 531, Section 7, Subsection A, paragraph 8, to be more specific). As such, the Regulatory Authorities had decided to stop the trading in the stocks of both companies and evicted them from the Garden of Eden. This move was later depicted by independent observers as “legislating from the bench” and a “very activist and wide interpretation of the power of the Regularity Authorities”, and as such “clearly impeding the natural and healthy forces of the free market”.

Be as it may, the consequences of this episode will not be easily forgotten. Cutting the tree down did indeed cause global warming, which later lead to the flood. The flood being the first recorded case in history of a crash in the stock market. Furthermore, Adam & Eve had realized their mistake: Their amateurish scheme without due documentation and orderly conduct had exposed them to persecution, and they vowed to never be caught naked like that again, and they devised CLOTHs (Committees, Lawyers, Options, Transactions and Hoops) to protect them from such eventualities. They also understood that their direct involvement was a mistake, and so they had created children companies to do their bidding. And these companies, in turn, multiplied like there is no tomorrow, to this day.

And so the free market came into the world.

* * *

The moral of this story, if there is one, is that if you need a committee to decide what to have for dinner then you might be in heaven, but not for long…

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